Phuppi Tufail Fatima Care for Family and Parents

My phuppi Tufail Fatima breathed her last yesterday August 23, 2021. She was 103 years of age. Her birth-year (called ism-tareekh  اسم  تاریخ) is 1918 as given in the manuscript penned by her grandfather (my grandfather's father) Syed Ikram Hyder. Her Tareekhi Names derived from the birth year were Ghani Behr e Rehmat (غنی بحر رحمت), Khabeer Zahir( خبیر ظاہر), Khursheed Nusrat Panah ( خورشید نصرت پناہ). She was an exemplary woman who maintained her regimented lifestyle throughout her life till old age restricted her to bed a few years ago. Strict timings for meals, tea, prayers, and housekeeping. She did her BA in 1938 and BT in 1939 from Aligarh University. She taught in the Mauripur base school in 1950-60s. Her care for immediate family and extended family members was exemplary. All through the 1970s she first cared for her mother-in-law during her old age deathbed for around five years, and then her mother during her old age deathbed. Great lady who was worrying even during her last years about taking care of guests when she had forgotten who was who and could barely talk and had lost sense of time, era, and people around. I remember a year or so before when I visited her, she had forgotten who I was but sensed that I am a visitor and wanted to know whether I had had some refreshment. Something she did with all around. 

Inna lillah e wa inna ilaihi rajioon 

 [Ikram Hyder was a forest officer in late 19th century and early 20th century and belonged to the Naqshbandi Sufistic tradition. This excerpt is from his documents/papers collection. The page from which this pic is cropped also contains اسم تاریخ of my uncles. The date of this writing is 1925-30, which is estimated from the ism-e-tareekh of Tufail's brother, born in 1925, and written on the same page using the same pen]. 

St Pat's Mauripur Photo

Comments compiled from FB post on her leaving for the hereafter. 

From Aisha:

Dadi
From where we all are linked ...the mother of my father and phuppi of my mother ...

She was a highly educated lady in times when education wasn't common ...loved poetry and enjoyed the literary company.
A sister of four brothers...
Daughter in law of a Doctor ...


A lady who migrated to Pakistan leaving her homeland for the sake of Islam that's what she always said..

A lady who was religious and filled with the love of our beloved Prophet and whenever somebody was going for Haj or Umra she had tears and always sent Salam to our Prophet when anyone was going to Madina..

A lady who inculcated the sense of religion in her offspring...she always asked us to cover our heads when going out and always wanted us to be dressed in a dignified manner not to leave our dupatta even infront of her...

She was always dressed simply never used any makeup ...she hardly used perfumes ...she only kept a simple braid always...

She promoted the idea of recycling and never encouraged spending extravagantly ....she was never impressed by fancy materials ...when she used to see something fancy she used to say bohat qeemti hogi...always stayed simple...

She was disciplined and would not compromise her routine. everything was systematic and in rhythm around her...she had an aura and would correct anyone ....such was her fine thinking that she would even tell us to rock the baby very slowly as it might cause dizziness in baby...

She was always worried about everyone's meals and was firm about starting the day early with a healthy breakfast ...she wanted everyone together on the dining table and would keep asking by name if anyone was missing...

Namaz on time was her priority always..Quran was a habit and night recitation of panj surah was a must...

Making her bed as soon she got up was her principle...

Never found her gossiping or backbiting her eyes were on her routine and yes she always encouraged every child to learn ..she would make us learn tables and corrected our sentences as Ammi always asked us to learn from her.....

She was always welcoming to guests and Alhamdullilah we had unplanned grand family reunions often on weekends as everyone loved to gather at our home to meet her....

Sari was her dress always until she couldn't maintain her style because of dementia...
The bonding of Dadi with Daday was unique they lived in harmony both did breakfast together always early morning and would do most chores together...

May Allah bless her with the best of the best in heaven...
I am sure Daday, all her brothers, parents, phoppo, and relatives must be so happy meeting her again yesterday...

We can be a source of Sadqae Jariya by following her teachings of honesty love kindness ..Namaz Quran sila rahmi and huququl ibad...

From Khadija

Mashallah Aishah you wrote well.

There is so much more of our Dadi's and Nani's lives!

Whenever the cook would make paratha on the weekends for us (we had tikiyas) I would take one to eat, dadi would never say don't do it for anything but would also give a metaphor for things to explain it to us firmly!

Agar aik piylay may tkiya. Bhigo do Pani may aur aik may paratha to kiss ki chiknai zayada niklay gi)

Yeah  hazmay kay liay saqeel hai!

These were her words every time. We would eat paratha as if we were doing the sin of putting oil in our tummies!

She hardly cooked as we had a cook at all times but whenever any recipe was asked from Dadi, she remembered exact measurements of food and I would say Mashallah how does she remembers each recipe.

She would say Amma Jan gave her the recipe. ( Aik sair anaj...etc)

Her father knew hikmah, she would also tell us this food has garam mizaj and we should avoid that one it has a thanda mizaj ( is ki taseer thandi hai)

She made a small scale for us with yellow dollar pen by making bikes by melting the knife and would make toys for us from the lids of bottles!

She had made a big real scale with sutli ( string) and would measure the pots and bottles and give them to the raddi paper Wala!

She would hung a small mini jharu (broom) of fine neem stems (we would bring them for her, from the tree outside Tiny Tots school !) and these were used as tooth picks!

She was very exact in measurements and organization.

Her closet was like a small shop, everything folded and kept in the exact place!

We would often go and use things from dadi ki almari

She used her mother's steel cup for drinking water

 I hardly saw her sleeping on a bed!

She would sleep on a takht and had a particular gadda for it!

She would never trust us to take out her medicines for her and would say, we would make mistakes. She would count many many times but would not let us take out her medicine. She used sarauta for splitting them into half!

Her pandaan was in the same exact place in the store with ilachi, anardana, Katha, choona chaaliya etc.

She grew paan leaves for her pandaan and had an orange bowl of paans, covered with a brown cloth in her bathroom on the washing machine.

She loved gardening and would plant trees all year round!

She wanted a particular starch (kalaf) for her sarees and would ask us to make with exact measurements of white flour and water!

She wanted her sarees to be folded in a particular way! That was fun! We would go out with dadi in the sehan and her saree would be held by four of us and folded to half and than to small folds.

She wanted cotton sarees to wear with a border! We would go with Chachi to Hyderi and would find sarees suited to Dadi's taste.

If Dadi would see any fans or lights turned on then she would come and say " would you like it if you have a purse and would you let the paisay ( money) fell from it?

That would be enough for us and we would go shut off the lights and fan.

If we would study late at night and the curtains would be open and the windows, she would never say, close the windows but would say "what if someone jumps from the wall and stares at you from the window"

That would be enough to scare us and we would close the windows.

She would wake Abu and all of us for Fajr. She would keep reading until Sunrise and the Akhbar Wala ( newspaper man) would come, and she would read the news and then go for breakfast with her routine measured meal.

She would soak the leftover crumbs and give it to the crows outside the kitchen.

There is so much more of her perfection in small small things.

The bigger things would always be in a similar set routine Mashallah.

She would never like us lying down after maghrib and would say " kamar palang pay na lagao Isha sey pehlay" she was very firm on it.

Also, she never liked sleeping right after food and missing dinners.

She would say eat dinner even if it's only a morsel. Leaving dinner for one day would make your body weak and you would see its effect, for forty days!.

Also, walk forty qadam ( feet) before sleeping at night!

She would follow the same routine every day 

Mashallah.

She would read her salat many many times thinking she made a mistake in the later stage of life! She would ask us to check if she is reading fine.

Etc etc etc.

There is a lot more!

May Allah Taala bless her InshAllah!

From Humaira 

Subhanallah
Yes that was her
Ami used to say
In apa tufail's house you are always going to find the thing in that same place.


Ami used to say,

“I aways searched for buzurgs n dervaish but I never found them. Went to many buzurgs' houses and met their families but was never satisfied. Then i saw and met bhai rasheed and apa tufail and usman bhai and I found that they are the real dervaish and Buzurg,"

Aisha n khadija your recollections about your dadi are so beautiful:

 
I think she would have been so pleased if she had seen these write-ups about her when she was able to. 
You people, are so lucky to be born, to grow up with your grandparents and learn from them.
You will always cherish the time you spent with your daday and dadi.
And also when you will even tell your kids about them. 

Now when we look back and see we only remember what we learned from them
How unconsciously they used to teach us just by being living an exemplary life with no expectations for praise. 

They gave us love.
Every grandparent's way of loving is different, some are very strict, but then mums become all love n care.
When grandparents give love and space and are lenient then mums assume a strict role. 
Isn't it?

I hope you all r understand what i am saying?
Please take care of your parents and grandparents and show your love to them when they r still with you
Though we may have a lot of difference in our opinions.

From Amna

Agree.
When I used to go for sleepovers at Khala’s .
At dinner or lunch I will only eat daal chawal and she would always ask” aap roti nahi khayi gi” . I used to reply “ no” . She used to say “ bilkul bagi khaye gi”.
I used to say” no, I like chawal”.
She would say “ hayrat hai, bilkul roti nai khayngi.”.
She used to ask this on every meal.
When I mentioned to Ammi yesterday, she said it was a polite way of saying that you should eat some roti.
I said oh, I never understood that.

From Hafsah 

This is so beautiful! 

Inna lillahi wa Inna ilaihi rajioon

May Allah grant Dadi the highest ranks in jannah. I will always hold the few fond memories that I have of her close to my heart. I loved spending time with her while I was still in Karachi. She would never start eating until every last person would join the dinner table. She was frail and docile yet always had this strength and grace in her demeanor. There is some comfort in knowing that she was surrounded by her loved ones and still cherished her till her last breaths and after. I am so happy for the children who got to be in her presence, and get the love and dua from her.

From Asfara

This is so beautiful aisha baji..thank you so much..
There so many things I didn't know..but i was wondering as I realized..
Daadi has been blessed to have raised children who have done well in deen and duniya both..but more importantly deen...and then to have so many grandchildren that too are inclined towards deen..in a beautiful manner... mashAllah MashAllah
(These days my biggest worry is how to be a muslim that raises a good muslim..cz in the ends thats what i will be accounted most for)
And now reading this I can understand many things..
She would always notice how well/or odd our dresses were tailored..and i would assume her to have a likeness of fine things..
But you say she was simple..
Amazing mashAllah..
Ami always told how meticulously she took care of her mother in law,
But in all the times i met her..i could never tell the tough times she has gone through..(a quality farida khala so effortlessly embracess-
We are too quick to complain of our ordeals, and gloat over the good we do..)
Rather i had assumed that she lived in a aristocratic manner..because of how the table would be set,tea would be serve..the manner she spoke..so much poise in everything..one would assume to be royal..but in reality..so simple and yet a wonderful practicing muslim..
mashAllah mashAllah..
May Allah increase the ranks of our elders .may Allah bless us to meet them in Jannah..ameen
😢

From Shoaib Zaidi

Assalaam alaekum wa rahmatullaah.
I would like to add my voice to the precious memories & comments that have been shared esp. by Marhooma Nanno Jaan’s grandchildren.
In reality, this space is not enough to discuss her accolades & towering personality. She was amongst the persons, whom I had the privilege to be associated, besides my parents, since my childhood.
I have fond memories of my childhood years, which are somewhat blurred, of Marhooma Nanno Jaan taking care of her mother-in-law [her Phupphi Sughra Fatima] and her mother [Anwar Fatima]. I remember that Nanno-Jaan’s house had always been a great blessing for us. Ammi [Nasreen], Abba  Jaan [Laqa A Zaidi] used to drop us ( me / my brother [Tayyab Zaidi]) at Nanno’s house, in case one or both were unwell and weren’t going to school. Sometimes Marhooma Nanno [Tufail Fatima] & Naanay Jaan [Rasheed uddin Hyder] were asked to come to our house for the same purpose and we were blessed with their presence and their duas.

I have the reminiscence of going with Marhooma Nanno Jaan’s on foot in a local bus to Lalu-khait. From there she bought me a gift of farm animals, which were not regarded as something forbidden in Islam then. In adulthood, I remember Marhooma Nanno-Jaan used to engage us in mending broken things like wipers, chairs, and wooden things. As mentioned, she had a high affinity to plant life. Marhooma was very much conscientious about the food leftovers and would always make sure not to waste even a bit. She used to gather the food particles from the table, under the table after the meal & would keep them for the cats & insects. She used to consume even the burnt toasts after removing the burnt part.

In retrospect, in the later part of her life, I recall that she used to complain of faltering recent memory.
This gradually got worse & her other cognitive abilities started getting affected. Like her mother, Nanno-Jaan also developed advanced dementia.

Her presence in the house was a blessing for everyone, even though she remained aloof from all. Now with her exit, we can feel the void that’s created in our lives.But we should bow down to the Will of Allaah SWT. God Willing Nanno-Jaan will now be peaceful, enjoying the favors of Allaah SWT & would have met her near & dear ones in the same place.

I would like to conclude with some of my scattered thoughts:

انکی یاد تو ہر لمحہ آ جاتی ہے

ساتھ گزرے ہوئے اوقات کی لڑی بن جاتی ہے

آنکھ انکو جب پاس نہیں پاتی ہے،

دعا کی توفیق تو انکے لیے ہوجاتی ہے

(الحمد للہ)

پیہم انکے اوصاف پہ اب نظر جاتی ہے،

ہمکو اک جادۂ زیست دکھا جاتی ہے

زندگی انکی اخلاف کے لیے، آداب ہی آداب نظر آتی ہے،

صبر و شکر کا درس بھی انساں کو دیے جاتی ہے

ہوشمندی میں زیست انکی، اک “اعلی منتظم” نظر آتی ہے،

“فتور ذہن” کی حالت “دعوت فکر” سبکو دیے جاتی ہے۔

دعا مغفرت و رب کی رضا کی کیجاتی ہے

دعا انسے خلد میں ملنےکی کیجاتی ہے

(آمین)

Wassalaam,
Shoaib
Riyadh,KSA